mums diary part 2

Hi all

I know my blogs have slowed down a bit. I have just started a business (more on that later) and so life seems to be incredibly busy. My plan is to keep writing and my hope is to finish my blog when I reach my 5 year remission anniversary on December 29th this year. I plan to be somewhere exotic with a large glass of champagne in my hand, raising a toast. So I will keep writing, even if not as often, until then....

I said I wanted to come back to my mums diary and reveal a little more of what it feels like through the eyes of a parent. I said it before  I can't imagine what it must feel like not to be able to help your child, to feel useless. But just by being there, every parent is helping. Sometimes it was really tough. Just like with Paul, I wanted to have hard conversations. Mum stayed with me during the entire period and sometimes tension was high. This is hardly surprising given the circumstances.I know Mum struggled inside but she kept a really brave face for me. She also tried getting some help from a support therapist, but like me, struggled to get much from it. She found her support much closer to home - I know my mum wanted me to thank some of her friends and family. Her 2 brothers John and Jerry to start. My two uncles were always calling and checking in on me and her. Jerry has always been a big part of Keely and I's life. He gave me my first job in his law firm and enabled me to save up the fare to Oz when I went travelling. He is now a wonderful and incredibly generous uncle to our kids who all love him dearly. Mum also wanted to especially thank Mary, Nora, Denise, Linda, Karen, Pat, Ev and Lyn. (I did tell her it wasn't an oscar acceptance speech!)

Extracts....

 - Natalie being very brave but nervous about hair loss - she doesn't know whether to cut it before it happens. So much for her to deal with and nothing any of us can do to help. its so hard, things are starting to take their toll on everyone. All I can do is look after Indy.
 - Natalie went to see someone about eyebrow tattoos in preparation. I can't begin to describe how courageous my daughter is but I can't bear it when she is on the internet searching her chances of survival. Im feeling sad and tired tonight, looking at my daughter struggle. Its not fair.
 - Natalie started her new chemo today. It was hit and miss as her white blood cells were low. Sick all night.
 - Natalie doing well. Got up, was sick, but took Indy out to see Peppa Pig show.
 - I'm feeling light headed - think it is stress?
 - District nurse visiting everyday to inject Natalie to boost her blood count.
 - Indy off school today. It is so nice having her with us for the day. It is Indy getting us through this. Just in case my nosey daughter is reading this, I'm so proud of you and the brave front you put on every day in front of us. I love you so much  - we will get through this.
 - Natalie took Indy to Ice-cream parlour in day, came home, went upstairs and shaved her hair off. She looked great. She played with Indy and her wigs - how brave to shave her hair off.
 - Natalie looks fabulous - wigs look great and Indy has no idea!
 -Natalie sad today. All of her friends went out last night and she wasn't well enough to go.
 - Natalie and I went shopping at Selfridges - more wigs purchased! Paul got in trouble when he said one of them was ginger.
 - Natalie so happy when Indyana is home with her. They went to see Siobhaun today.
 - Natalie and Paul took Indy to UK lapland today.
 - Natalie was on tube today and her wig irritated her so she just took it off. So gutsy.
 - Got new miracle ant-sickness pill - working much better.
 - Natalie took me to see counsellor to help with my lack of sleeping. Tried hypnosis  - really funny!
 - Natalie was due to take Indy to Eurodisney today but the trains were cancelled because of snow. She is so upset - really wanted to take her. I'm ratty today as I can't seem to say anything to make her feel better. Its the first time she is showing how upset she is, feel so sorry for her. She is bloody amazing.
 - Natalies last ever chemo. Doctor gave her the ok to go on holiday in January. She is going away with Jay and Keeley to Cape Verde.

What I would like to say to my Mum now....

Mum, I would never have got through this without you by my side. I know you felt like you didn't know what to say or do. But I always knew that you understood. You are my mum and my pain was your pain. I saw that in your eyes. Just having you there was my security. Its almost like I was a little girl again and your presence was my comfort. You looked after Indyana in a way that no-one else could have. And that was my comfort too. I'm sorry that you had to go through it with me and give up your new life in Spain. And you did this without any question. And you Dad! Thank you for walking in my footsteps, for hugging me when I needed it, for pretending you weren't scared, for putting up with all my emotions, for cooking for me, ironing for me, tidying up for me, for telling me how well I was doing (I needed to hear that) and for being my lovely mum that you always are. I LOVE YOU x

chapter 32 - my 40th

I wanted to write about my 40th for a number of reasons - not least because I was elated to be here to celebrate it. It was about as perfect as any weekend could ever be for me. 

Almost 3 years after diagnosis, and genuinely not believing I would be here to see it in, I reached 40years old on June 1st 2012. I thought it was worth a party of all parties. I decided that there was no better place to hold that party than in my mum and dads house in the mountains in Spain. I spoke to Jay, who I had shared so many parties with and decided we would have a joint celebration at my mums. We really hoped as many people could join us as possible but equally understood it was a pretty big ask. 

I can’t tell you how pleased we were as the numbers grew and grew - all of our very best friends bought a ticket and descended on Casa de Angeles. We all arrived on the Thursday night. Mum and Dad had prepared a very special spanish themed Tapas for us. We all sat outside under the stars eating and drinking. It was a gorgeous meal. I couldn't have been happier with my family and friends all around. Between my mums house and all of our kind neighbours, every couple had a bed of their own -which was fortunate given there isn't a hotel for miles! 

I woke up on my birthday, with a sore head, and joined the gang for breakfast on the the terrace. The sun was shining. We all chilled around the pool, laughing. I was given some beautiful gifts. It was heavenly. in the evening, we had the official party. Mum had invited a few of her friends from the mountains. Two of the neighbours had made a Paella each for the party. Later in the evening, my parents surprised us with a show. They had hired some flamenco dancers who performed on the terrace, and we all had a dance. I danced with Indy and I felt about as happy as I have ever felt. A birthday cake for Jay and I was bought out and I simply took it all in. It was heaven. 

We spent the next day on the local beach, again just laughing and laughing. On the Sunday, we headed off to Nicki Beach in Peurto Banus, one of my favourite haunts for the climax of the weekend. A few podiums and a twisted ankle later, its fair to say - a good weekend was had!

Thank you from my heart to Mum, Dad, Paul, Keely P, Jay and Keeley, Tracy and Steve, Julie and Tim, Merille and Dean, Luke and Vicky, Steve and Claire, Joy and Andrew, Leeanne and GP, Tanya and Mark, Fran and Adam and Nancy for the best weekend of my life. 

And to anyone who is soon to hit the big 40 or 50 or 60 - embrace it, be thankful for it and love it xxx

Chapter 31 - Indy - Early years

 Chapter 31 - Indyana - early years….

Like I said I have never been very maternal but having Indyana in my life has been nothing but pure enrichment. I am still not maternal and getting the balance of being me, a mum and a career woman is still what makes me tick. But only so that I can be a better mum and role model to Indy. After Indy was born, I did stay at home for 4 months, but drove Paul mad in the meantime. The nappy, feed, nappy, sleep routine was a challenge for me. I am very fortunate as I was able to do some consultancy work for a couple of days per week, during the first year, which kept me balanced.

Indy was a very happy little baby. She didn't like sleeping that much (and still doesn’t) but that never altered her good moods all day. It isn't everyones parenting style, but we didn't hugely alter our lifestyle after Indy. She came with us to friends for sleepovers, travelled with me from 10weeks old and didn't have much of a routine. We took her to India when she was 6 months old! She has always been my little sidekick. When I was diagnosed, if it is possible, I loved her even more. I wanted and needed her near me for strength, love and hope. We sort of pay the price for it now as she isn't a fan of her own bed, and firmly believes she belongs in the middle of Paul and I come sleep time. Whilst it drives us mad at times, I don’t really mind deep down. She will grow out of it soon enough. 

She is a quirky little thing. Quite shy at times, but confident with her immediate circle. She is kind, sweet and caring. Her laughter makes me want to burst with happiness. As an only child, her siblings are my nephews - her cousins. In particular, she is thick as thieves with Cass, my sisters youngest boy. They have a complete brother / sister  relationship - fighting when together and longing to be reunited when apart. Cass is her security blanket at school and also the person she will blame for any of her ‘naughty’ moments - ‘Cass made me do it Mummy!’ I wish with all my heart, that her cousins remain her surrogate siblings for all of her life. 

I also just want to take a moment to say thank you to my cousin Penny at this stage. We grew up together as kids, and me, Keely and Penny were in and out of each others pockets all the time. Penny now lives in Birmingham and we have all remained close. When I was diagnosed, I remember vividly, the care Penny showed for me. She always text me after appointments and I know she was very upset at my diagnosis. She has a lovely family and I am also close to her lovely daughter Phoebe, who is an academic star and lovely girl. 

So, Indyana went to nursery when she was 1 years old. She met her buddy, Liliana. 

Lilianas mum, Laura and I became friends. Again, I want to say a thank you to Laura. We were new friends but soon after meeting, I was diagnosed. I know this touched Laura as it was so very close to home. Our daughters were 1 week apart in age. She often met with my mum so that the girls could play together during my treatment. Laura has since moved away but we are still in touch and taking the girls to their first ever pop concert in May - Katy Perry - here we come! 

I don’t believe in having regrets but my one regret in life is not having Indyana a bit sooner. For all sorts of reasons. I don't dwell on the fact that I couldn't give her a sibling as all I care about is being her mummy. And my plan is to be her mummy for a very long time………..

Sorry for a slightly random chapter….I just want to end by saying that there are many women being diagnosed as we speak who will never get the chance to have a beautiful daughter or son and I dedicate this chapter to them, with my heart and love. x 

Chapter 30 - Paul

Chapter 30 - Paul and marriage

Apparently, a man is 6 x more likely to leave a wife with cancer that a wife leaving a man if he was ill. I don't want this chapter to get into a deep rooted analysis of men and women, but that is an interesting fact. Any marriage has its strains and challenges and having cancer is certainly one of those. 

I want to say outright, that this chapter is a tribute to Paul. It is a thank you. It is without question, ‘I love you.’ But equally, in respect to anybody having a tough time with their relationships, I also need to acknowledge the strain cancer puts on all relationships. 

There is absolutely no right way to deal with the emotions of a wife dealing with cancer. And even when you think you are trying hard to get it right one day, a different mood or emotion will mean you have failed. Sometimes I wanted Paul to accept I might die, other days I wanted him to be rock solid. I forced him to talk about a future without me. I was angry and sad some days, and optimistic and strong on others. It was a roller coaster and Paul was sat next to me on the ride, trying to predict how I would react to each turn and dip along the way. 

It didn't make it any easier that Paul, like many other men, is not a natural communicator. He struggles to express his feelings - unless Everton have just won a game;)) That doesn't mean he doesn't express his love, he finds it very easy to tell Indyana and I how much he loves us. He just struggles with any deeper stuff. I am a big communicator on the other hand, and in this respect, Paul and I are chalk and cheese. This has always been a dynamic in our relationship, and in normal circumstances, we just accept it as a difference. When cancer comes into the equation, it puts a spotlight on this difference and magnifies it, in a not so positive way. This was tough at times. Honestly, I felt lonely at points. 

Equally, I can't imagine for one second how very difficult this was for Paul. For all my protestations about wanting to communicate more honestly, I also wanted Paul to be a rock and never falter in his strength. Can you see how difficult this must have been? Paul outwardly, categorically, always believed that I would survive. I know he must have been terrified deep down but he genuinely never showed this. Even when the prognosis went from bad to worse, he held his nerve. He was always so forthright about my getting through it. And I thank him to this day, for if anyone else had shown fear, I’m not sure that I would have been so strong myself. 

During my treatment, Paul had to continue to work. We still had a mortgage to pay and we were both working to maintain our financial commitments. However, Paul was there for every single moment that I needed him by my side. He held my hand at every appointment, for the bad news and the good. He was there after each chemo treatment and with me when I was rushed into hospital each time. He slept on hospital chairs and pull out beds. He was with me as they put the epidural in me for the internal radiotherapy and he was the first face I saw when I came out of the theatre. He was the only face I wanted to see and the only person I wanted at my side at these times. He was and is the person I trust most in the world. The person who knows me the best. He made me feel as safe as I could possibly feel during these times. 

Paul also lost his Dad - the very gorgeous, gentle and kind Geoff during this period of time. And I wasn't able to give him anything, emotionally. He grieved on his own, while trying to support me. His family live in Liverpool and Ireland, so he really was a one-man tower of immense strength. 

I can understand how many relationships do not make it through cancer. Some just can’t hack the new reality and others just have their eyes opened to wanting more from a relationship. I guess it gives many the courage to make sure the marriage they are in is the right one. But if you do make it,  I think it can deepen the bond. And it means you can pretty much deal with anything else from there on in. 

I don’t know what I would have been like if fate had meant it was the other way round. I do know I wouldn't have been able to surpress my fear the way that Paul did. I hope I would have been able to walk next to him at each step of the journey, like he did for me. With patience, love, kindness, cuddles and a force of belief. 

Paul, like Indy, got me through. He is one of the good ones. 

Love you Evo x

Chapter 29 - Introducing Indyana Bow Evans

Chapter 29 - Introducing Indyana

So, at the end of the summer 2006, I sadly decided that I should leave Camelot. I needed to get more experience in other companies in order for me to progress further up the career ladder. I left in August 2006. Simon Ward, offered me a position as a marketing consultant to all of his key retail customers. I gained some invaluable experience which just strengthened my CV endlessly. It was exactly the challenge I needed. I worked at Ethel Austin, B&Q, Halfords, Wilkinsons and Sainsburys over the next couple of years and learnt a huge amount. In fact, I was working at Sainsburys when I was diagnosed. I will always be grateful for the support I got from Rebecca Singleton, the Marketing Director there at the time. I barely knew her, and she send me a very lovely card and Jo Malone candle in the post. But more than that, she assured me the project I was working on could be done at my own pace and that I could work whenever I wanted. I continued to work during my treatment. It was my respite from my own mind! Working was my saviour. There are some very lovely people in this world, when times are tough. 

Just back to the summer of 2006. Paul and I, having been together, for 12 years, decided that we were sort of ready to try for a baby. Its fair to say that I have never been the maternal type. Having said that, I have always known that I wanted to have a daughter, oops a child, at some point in my life. My career had dominated for the last 10 years and now felt like the right time. It happened very quickly for us after having made the decision. I woke up one Sunday morning in December and knew instantly that I was pregnant. I don't know why, but I took myself off to Morrisons in Palmers green and did a pregnancy test in their toilets. It was negative? I was so sure I was pregnant, I drove to Asda in Southgate and did another more sophisticated test. Positive!  I drove back home to tell Paul.  There was a builder in our house and Paul was rabbiting away to him for what seemed like hours before he finally left. 

‘Paul, you are going to be a daddy!!!!’ Paul was so overjoyed. He would have started a family a long time before and was really over the moon. It was a fantastic day. My pregnancy was lovely really. I did suffer quite profusely from sickness, but that aside, it was a hugely happy time. Paul and I were so excited. I know this is terrible, but I really wanted a girl. Perhaps I subconsciously knew that I would only ever have 1 child and wanted a daughter. I asked the doctor to guess the sex at 9 weeks. He told me that if he had to guess, he couldn't see any male parts but it was early days. I had the sex confirmed at 13 weeks and again at 20 weeks. 

Keely and I were pregnant at the same time so she helped me with all the basic questions. I didn't attend any NCT groups or read any books. I figured this was something that would be lead by instinct and love. Keely had the gorgeous Cassius 3 weeks before. His cousin, Indyana Bow Evans was born on  30th May 2007 in Hampstead. She was born by caesarian section (of course) and weighed 6.7oz.  I bought her home on my 35th birthday on 1st June. (The same day my dear friends,Julie and Tim were getting hitched in Italy). Paul laughs to this day as I asked him to stop at the shops on the way home. I spotted Petit Bateau and jumped out the car. The caesarian wasn't getting in the way of shopping.

I am so very grateful that the stars lined up and we decided to have Indyana at this time. If I had left it another 2 years, all the treatment would have meant that I would never have been able to have a child. As every mum does, the love I felt for her from the second I was pregnant, let alone, gave birth to her is immeasurable. She is our whole world. 

Chapter 28 - CHECK-UPS? What check-ups?

Chapter 28 Check ups - what check ups?!

So, the plan was to have an internal examination every 3 months for years 1 - 2 and then every 4 months in Year 3 and every 6 months in years 4-5. So that is 15 in total. 

I have been to 3 check-ups. Let me explain. 

So, the first thing I should tell you is this. Given, as you know, my anxiety levels went through the roof whenever I was in that hospital, I psychologically could not cope with the check-ups. From the second I entered back into that hospital, I was transported back to chemo. It was the same ward. Why can’t check-ups be in a different location? Back to the dreaded consultants office where I had only ever heard bad news (with the exception of once!). I was not strong enough mentally. I wasn't prepared to hear any bad news. 

So, on the first appointment, I decided that I didn't want to have an internal examination. I was in and out in a flash and told myself that I had checked in. That was the one I had returned home from Australia to attend. 

What I need to explain next is the ongoing aches, pains and oddities that I have experienced over the last 4 years. I was never prepared for this and no-one ever really told me to expect any ongoing side effects of the treatment. I was warned that I might loose my nerve endings in my fingers or toes. It happened to be my toes and I have had severe cramp ever since. Paul will often see me hopping around the bed in the middle of the night trying to shake it off, even now. 

I have had some little pains and some really big pains over the years. They were always manageable physically but not mentally. The problem is that I no longer trusted my body. Its amazing how much we all take our bodies for granted and ordinarily, we can write of these aches and pains. Of course, now, I scrutinise every last one. I know my body intimately and I can detect every little sign. I hate that I can no longer trust my body at the age of 41 years. 

Of course, each time there was a sustained pain, I went on a downward spiral mentally. At times, I have been utterly convinced that the big C was back. In the first year, it was a massive mental challenge for me. I continued to work but to be honest there were days when I wasn't strong enough to be doing anything. I would be on autopilot performing whilst contending with this dark character that was rearing his ugly face again. And when I got scared again, sometimes it came out in tears, other times in anger but mostly just a real edge. I was just scared and Paul had to deal with it a lot. As each year passed, I have learnt to deal with these pains much better. A pain does not now equal cancer. That is because I have had the pains continuously on and off and I am still here so I can begin to reconcile that there may just be another cause of the pain. 

So, the second time I went for a check up, it was because I had found a lump in the groin area. I had to press really hard to find it but find it I did as I lay scrutinising my body one night. The doctors sent me for a scan but I never went for the results. 

The last time I went for a check-up back up in 2011 was because my pains had got so bad, I was desperate. When I got to the hospital and saw yet another new consultant, I was once again beside myself. He proceeded to tell me that I had post traumatic stress disorder. I proceeded to tell him that if he looked at my records, he would see that the hospital visits gave me the stress and outside of these visits, life was normal. This was true to some extent. I was much calmer at all other times. I then asked him to tell me the statistics of whether I was more likely to be saved from cancer should it return, if I came to regular check-ups. He had no choice but to spell out the truth.  For me, it really was kill or cure. If the cancer returned, the chances of curing me were 0. Therefore, if they detected it, the best they could do is offer more treatment which would give me a short extension on life. I am sorry to be so graphic with this but this is the truth. On this basis, and on balance, the doctor suggested I didn't return for check-ups but was more lead by how I felt generally. He gave me some watch outs (upper back pain, swollen lymph nodes in the neck, nausea etc) . You will often, even now catch me, unconsciously, feeling my neck. 

I had a scan at this appointment - my second scan. Once again, I didn't go for the results. 

One year later, in November 2012, I was sat at my desk in Tesco and I had been experiencing a prolonged run of pain again. I decided to mail my consultant and ask for the results. She sent me back a response saying that the scan had been clear and showed no sign of disease. I had waited a whole year for those results. I was too scared to get them. I sat at my desk and hid my falling tears. Then called Paul and Mum to share the belated good news. 

This is the hard truth about living with cancer - its bloody tough. I am conscious that this chapter is a bit gloomy and I apologise. But it is real. I do want others to know that these pains don't mean it is back. They are part of the journey to recovery. x 

  

Chapter 27 - The post treatment trip

CHAPTER 27 - The post treatment trip

This blog feels like my life has been one big travelling fest. It hasn’t, but clearly, all the big moments in my life have included travel. Why did I book this particular trip? For a host of reasons. Honestly, it was very clear to me that the future was an unknown entity. I had passed the first hurdle but had an incredibly long way to go. There was every chance of it coming back (70% to be precise) and I wanted to create some memories with my family. I also wanted to escape the reality. Get away from that hospital. I also just needed a rest - it had been a long 8 months. And finally, I had a great reason for one major holiday - Paul couldn't challenge this one:)))))

Paul had been running a property maintenance company at the time and he did just give it all up. It wasn't a huge risk as you are always relying on your next job in this game rather than long standing customers. But, he didn't once concern himself with the risks. I suppose he needed this break as much as I. 

Indyana was 2 and 3/4 years. When I say she was a dream child during this trip, I cannot explain how amazing she was. She followed us around different time zones, different cultures, different foods, new people and new hotels like she was born to do it. She slept when she was tired, wasn't ill once, potty trained to perfection up the gold coast of Australia - she just let life take her on this journey. She does remember some of it even today - playing snooker with back-packers in hostels, riding horses on a beach in Thailand, playing with her second cousins (Skye and Madison) at Uncle Erics, meeting new friends and the amazing water park in Dubai. Although of course, I have many a photo like the one with Indy fast asleep in a buggy outside the Opera House in Sydney. I can at least tell her she has been there! I am so proud of my little girl during this trip - she made it even more therapeutic than it was. I have of course created a mini-me now though - Indy will quite often make comment on whether she likes a hotel room and wonders what the airplane food will be like. I do think she is a natural born traveller just like her mum. We recently had a conversation where I explained to her about all my travelling. She advised me that she would definitely be travelling when she grew up and she would be putting Mummy in her suitcase so that I can come along too. (I will be holding her to that). 

So, we visited Dubai, Thailand, Australia and Bali in the first half of the trip. I met up with family and friends that I knew along the way. This time, I got to see my cousin Sue, for the first time in a long time in Australia. It was so nice spending time with her again, and I love that we are now in each others lives, if only on Facebook for the minute! Eric and Rose were again, just wonderful hosts, making Indy feel so welcome. She, Madison and Skye played with all their toys in the drive. It was really nice for Indy because it felt a bit like home. 

I spent time trying to rebuild my strength. I discovered Bikram yoga and joined many a class at each of our stops. I also ran as much as I could - not any great distance but I wanted to reclaim my body. I had handed it over to machines and medicine for 8 months and now it was mine again. On reflection, I felt more well in these 3 months than many of the months and years to come. Perhaps the chemo was still in my body fighting all the bad stuff? 

At the end of May, we had to take a pit stop back in the UK - I had my first post-treatment check up. And it was Indys 3rd birthday. I wanted her to have a party with her friends at home. I will deal with the post-treatment check-ups in a separate chapter. Indys party was lovely. We had it in the garden with all of our friends. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up with everyone. We were home for a week and then headed off to my mums house in Spain for the European leg of our travels. 

It was so good to see Mum and Dad back at their house. They had bought their place in Spain in 2007 and of course, had pretty much left it for 8 months to live with me during all of my treatment so it was nice to see them back in the place they loved. They are always so happy there. They have transformed an old village house into a stunning moroccan themed home. They have such a great eye for design and Dad can build anything he sees in a magazine. The house has 360 views of the mountains and you can’t help but just relax there. We spent a month or so just really chilling. I was keen that Indy continue socialising so I enrolled her in a local nursery for a couple of days per week. She learnt a fair bit of Spanish in her short time there.  

One weekend soon after arriving at Mums, I took off to our beloved Puerto Banus where lots of the girls were meeting me for a much needed girly weekend. I had a new pixie crop hairstyle but still wore my wigs out in the evening. It was still just a tad too short. Given, I have really curly hair, I would never have dreamt of ever having a short style but I actually really liked it as it grew. It was quite striking and more individual than any of the styles I have ever had. It was a very funny couple of days with the girls where we got up to the usual shenanigans. My girls were like a boost of love, well-being and laughter. They have been a constant comfort to me. 

Paul, Indy and I then took off on the second leg of our travels. We drove all the way along the east coast of Spain through to France. Again, we had some amazing times. I remember stopping at all the big cities, Barcelona, Madrid etc but also some stunning little towns off the beaten track further up north. We got to France and stayed at one of our favourite places, in St Tropez. Kon Tiki chalets is a long row of huts on the sea front at Pampelonne beach. It is perfectly located - you can walk to the famous Club 55 and you awake to the sound of the sea. We met with Leaanne, Tanya and families and spent a glorious week with them. Indy and I flew back to Mums and Paul drove the car and met us there. We had one final trip planned, which Mum and Dad joined us for. A drive to Portugal to meet the Kings. Jay and Keeley King. Again, we had a super week with our dear friends. 

So, at this stage, we had been on the road for almost 6 months. I was starting to feel unsettled. I think I knew that I would have to resume normal life (whatever that was) at some point and I turned my thoughts to what this meant. My career is such a large part of what defines me and what I know. And I knew that I needed now to consume myself with work to start feeling a bit more like me again. I send an email to one of my mentors and friends, Simon Ward. I had met Simon when I worked at Camelot and he was MD of one of the print companies we used. He has since gone on to set up a hugely successful marketing services company called Inspired Thinking Group. When I was diagnosed, I received a hand-written letter in the mail from Simon. It was beautiful, honest and motivating. My email let him know that I was ready to work again, and to ask that he consider me should anything come up. His response was ‘how soon can you start?’ I will always be grateful to Simon for his ongoing support during my career but in particular for bringing me back into the real world at this point in my life. 

We had such a special time on our travels. It was our family escape. It was the period of time where I didn't have to deal with the reality of life after cancer and the pains and fears that are weaved into your new world. It was our time and I will cherish these memories for the rest of my life.