Chapter 31 - Indyana - early years….
Like I said I have never been very maternal but having Indyana in my life has been nothing but pure enrichment. I am still not maternal and getting the balance of being me, a mum and a career woman is still what makes me tick. But only so that I can be a better mum and role model to Indy. After Indy was born, I did stay at home for 4 months, but drove Paul mad in the meantime. The nappy, feed, nappy, sleep routine was a challenge for me. I am very fortunate as I was able to do some consultancy work for a couple of days per week, during the first year, which kept me balanced.
Indy was a very happy little baby. She didn't like sleeping that much (and still doesn’t) but that never altered her good moods all day. It isn't everyones parenting style, but we didn't hugely alter our lifestyle after Indy. She came with us to friends for sleepovers, travelled with me from 10weeks old and didn't have much of a routine. We took her to India when she was 6 months old! She has always been my little sidekick. When I was diagnosed, if it is possible, I loved her even more. I wanted and needed her near me for strength, love and hope. We sort of pay the price for it now as she isn't a fan of her own bed, and firmly believes she belongs in the middle of Paul and I come sleep time. Whilst it drives us mad at times, I don’t really mind deep down. She will grow out of it soon enough.
She is a quirky little thing. Quite shy at times, but confident with her immediate circle. She is kind, sweet and caring. Her laughter makes me want to burst with happiness. As an only child, her siblings are my nephews - her cousins. In particular, she is thick as thieves with Cass, my sisters youngest boy. They have a complete brother / sister relationship - fighting when together and longing to be reunited when apart. Cass is her security blanket at school and also the person she will blame for any of her ‘naughty’ moments - ‘Cass made me do it Mummy!’ I wish with all my heart, that her cousins remain her surrogate siblings for all of her life.
I also just want to take a moment to say thank you to my cousin Penny at this stage. We grew up together as kids, and me, Keely and Penny were in and out of each others pockets all the time. Penny now lives in Birmingham and we have all remained close. When I was diagnosed, I remember vividly, the care Penny showed for me. She always text me after appointments and I know she was very upset at my diagnosis. She has a lovely family and I am also close to her lovely daughter Phoebe, who is an academic star and lovely girl.
So, Indyana went to nursery when she was 1 years old. She met her buddy, Liliana.
Lilianas mum, Laura and I became friends. Again, I want to say a thank you to Laura. We were new friends but soon after meeting, I was diagnosed. I know this touched Laura as it was so very close to home. Our daughters were 1 week apart in age. She often met with my mum so that the girls could play together during my treatment. Laura has since moved away but we are still in touch and taking the girls to their first ever pop concert in May - Katy Perry - here we come!
I don’t believe in having regrets but my one regret in life is not having Indyana a bit sooner. For all sorts of reasons. I don't dwell on the fact that I couldn't give her a sibling as all I care about is being her mummy. And my plan is to be her mummy for a very long time………..
Sorry for a slightly random chapter….I just want to end by saying that there are many women being diagnosed as we speak who will never get the chance to have a beautiful daughter or son and I dedicate this chapter to them, with my heart and love. x
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