From my buddy, Keeley King .....x
I was in kitten when I got ya text ....I fell on the stairs in disbelief, tears streaming... Luckily i was on my own......CANCER!! Not one of my best buddies it couldn't b true!!!!
Then customers came in, all polite, asking me questions about dresses, colours, sizes etc .... Who gives a fxxk I wanted to reply!!!
Then the reply to u .... How the hell do you reply to one of ya best mates who tells u she's got cancer?????
This is the hardest thing I found during the whole time Hun .... What to say to u???? what to do for the best!!!! Even a general how r u? How u doing? Was such a bloody stupid question?
Jay speaking to Paul was always the easy option!!!
All I wanted to do was give u big fat hug & tell u it will all b ok but I always felt that this wouldn't help!
One thing kept me going was knowing your determination, drive & attitude to kick serious butt!! If anyone could kick cancers butt it's u darling! I truly believe my dad gave up to open the path for u cos he'd had he's years, u certainly haven't !!
Hun I'm so very very proud of how u have coped with this bloody big inconvenience, the respect I have for u is immense . I couldn't imagine how it was for u but reading ya book has enlightened me. I just wish I read it when u weren't around cos I tried so hard to keep the tears from falling - a few blurred lines were had!!
Keep being u .......nutty natty you've done a cracking job so far..... my kids, my hubby & me love ya lots & lots xxxxxxxxx
From my girl, Mireille .....x
The first thing I remember was a phone call when you told me you had abnormal cells following a smear and I honestly thought and voiced 'that's normal, nothing to worry about, another smear and will be done and dusted', how wrong was I!
From then you became retracted and insular only wanting to see and communicate with immediate family! Especially when you found out how bad it was. I found it incredibly hard as I wanted to be there for you, hug you and share your pain and emotion but how could I, what could any of us do but love and pray for you and be there when you wanted to scream or shout, but you didn't do that with us ! We are so different in that respect, I am an open book and you can be reserved and guarded when things are not ok in your life. I remember over thinking every text I sent you and deliberating shall I call shall I not! I didn't want you to look at the phone to see me calling and it fill you with dread because you had to go over and over it yet again! I wanted to make you feel better not worse. I didn't know whether to tell you about normal stuff going on in my life as it was so irrelevant and all I wanted to do was talk about you but knew you didn't want to so I respected your wishes and resorted to getting information from Keeley who was getting it from Jay via Paul and your mum! When sometimes you did pick up the phone I never knew what to say, I wanted to ask how you were but that was a stupid question! In fact I was quite scared to talk to you! So time went on and you amazed me by carrying on, even when the news got worse and worse, the seriousness of it completely overwhelming. Going away for weekends, filling all your spare time with family outings! Wow i thought, how is she doing this! Of course I knew it was because of Indy, as a mum too I could understand that you must carry on for her sake! It wasn't an option to let her wake up without her mummy, I would close my eyes and pray fight fight fight ! You and your family were constantly in my thoughts, pretty much hourly and I never prayed so much in my life!
Every time I saw you I couldn't believe how great you looked, how could this disease be on the inside when you look like that on the outside? Well you kicked the big C's arse! You are one of a kind darling and if anyone could do it you could. That might sound ridiculous but I truly believe your determination played a massive part! I love you so much and I hope your blog helps others !
Xxxxxx
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