Chapter 2 - Life before the call. Family stuff

This chapter is all about my family and will be very boring for most of you. Please feel free to skip it completely. I also promise no others chapters are this long.I wanted to capture my upbringing so you can get to know me. But more importantly, because it gives some context to the way anybody and everybody can get Cancer. It doesn't exclude anyone. 

I was born on 1st June 1972. The same birthday as Marilyn Monroe and Jason Donovan. I've never really thought about why I remembered those two shared birthdays before now. I guess it's in relation to my first love of acting and later in life, my love of Neighbours! I was aged 37 years and 1 month at the time of the call.

Born in Edmonton, London. My Mum and Dad were loving parents who worked hard to make life good for us. They met when Mum was 16 years old and married when she was 19 years old. I was born a year and a bit later and my sister, Keely, 2 years on. Childhood was good, simple and good.

You don't really think about the impact of your childhood and how much it shapes you, until you are an adult. My dad has an obsession with shoes. It is a running joke with my sister and I that Dad bought a new pair of shoes every month as we grew up.That's a lot of shoes for a man. And they are all a variation of a shade of the same colour brogues and always beautiful leather. He told us he had one pair of shoes at a time as a child and they were not the shoes to be seen in. Trust me when I say he has made up for it. I have the trendiest Dad ever. He is 65 years old and still loves clothes more than most of my male friends put together. His customised Nike trainers a couple of years back were a highlight for me - especially with his name printed on them - BRIAN!!! I really love my Dad. He was bought up as third child of four. I think that's a hard one. He wasn't the eldest boy, he wasn't the only daughter and he wasn't the baby. Where does that leave you? Born and bred Islington, to Flo and Rick, working class. He worked in Brick Lane Market as an apprentice for Dad after leaving school at 15yrs. My dad did so well for himself. He learnt his plumbing trade, started on the tools and worked his way up to management. Boy did really good. We never wanted for anything. We always had nice clothes, great holidays and amazing Christmases. Stuffed stockings at the end of the bed and a pile of pressies from Santa downstairs. And not forgetting, my parents paid for me to go to Boden Drama School. That must have been hard. I remember when interest rates doubled at some point in my childhood. That must have put such a strain on mum and dad as they had just taken a big mortgage to move us from Edmonton to Palmers Green. But, us kids didn't suffer. Drama school that resulted in me getting a part in Grange Hill- a kids TV programme. More on that later.

Mum. My mum. Only daughter to Joan and John Coffey, born Castleisland, Kerry, Ireland. Mum was born in Kildare and only lived in Ireland for a short bit before moving to Euston, London. My gorgeous nan and grandad - I feel equally honoured and sad to have had them and lost them. I really really love my mum. She had me when she was 21years old. WTF!! I can't even begin to imagine what I would have been like as a mum at that age. Mum met Dad so young, but I guess she knew, he was the one - the only one. Ever. Lucky Dad. My memories of my mum are funny. Some bits stick in my mind. For example - On Wednesday nights. Dad went to snooker club so it was girls night. We stayed in and were allowed to stay up to watch the soaps, followed by Dallas, followed by Widows. Remember that?! I remember mum trying to get the dog hair out the carpet by doing something reminiscent of the running man dance, usually in her bra and knickers. She must have burnt so many calories. Another funny story was when my mum made us take our beloved red setter dog 'Brady' to Battersea Dogs home. She had had enough of his destruction. I think he ate her new snake skin shoes and that was it. The whole family cried all night. First thing in the morning, we all got back in the car and drove like madmen to pay £100 to get our dog back.

My mum was and is really pretty - my best and oldest friend Jay really fancied her when we were growing up. She is shy. She likes who she likes. Mum wasn't the type to chat with other mums at the school gate- a bit like me now really. Unlike my sister who knows every mum at the school gate, but more of her later.

Mum worked hard too. When we were babies, she had a Sunday job at WHSmith at Kings Cross train station. How can I ever forget, her turning up at Nanny Flos distraught! A punter had stopped, whilst she walked back and asked her how much for her services. I put it down to her glamour. Always big gold hoops in the ears, and cool outfits. Mum changed out of her wedding dress straight after the service and changed into hot pants. Go girl x

Mum has always had style. Their interior decoration was always well ahead of their time and roots. I credit them 100% for any style that I now have. They had amazing wallpaper, long before 'feature walls' were trendy. They went to auctions and introduced me to antiques. Looking back, I was really proud of the homes they made for my sister and I.

Now, when I say Mum and I had some power struggles growing up, I mean it. 'Get down those stairs and walk up them again quietly,' she would yell.I must have stomped my way up and down those stairs 40 times before giving up. Oh my goodness,we battled. But mum was early 30's and I a determined feisty teenager. We both thought we were equals and therein laid the problem. I remember running away to my friend Francines when I was 16yrs. I can't remember how I got there- just Dad turning up at her door and dragging me home. I don't remember being told 'I love you' as a child. We weren't like that. But I do remember feeling loved and safe. Your mum is your mum right? Probably no-one more important or significant in the world and my god, did my mum stand as still as a rock when I needed her 37 years later. My mum is as tough as. She has had to deal with some stuff. She discovered she had a sister when she was 14years old. Introduced as her cousin, Siobhan later confided that she was her sister and had been given away by my nan to the nuns. I mean, how do you get your head around that? And worse, after finding her sister, Siobhan passed away from a brain tumour a mere few years after. My middle name is Siobhan. 

I really need to come back to nanny Joan, the spirited, funny, independent Irish soul that I adored. Indy ,you would have loved her and she you. She gave us everything she had. My school holidays were largely down to nan, pocket money (saved in her Princess Di jug), treats, outfits, etc. She was just so generous. My sister and I stayed at hers on many Saturdays. The day would include a trip to Walthamstow market, inevitably with a Wimpy. By evening, we would get comfy in front of the TV watching 321, Dusty Bin and Bruce Forsythes play your cards right. And we always had a stash of chocolate in the top drawer of the fridge. 

It was simply memories that made for a happy childhood. I also would camp out there after Mum and I has one of our fights. Grandad used to get me petrol from his job when I started driving. We would cyphon it from his car into my yellow beetle. When I left for Australia at 18 years of age, my founding memory was Grandad John crying as he waved me goodbye. I never saw him again. He died of a heart attack weeks after retirement whilst I was living out my dreams. Life can be cruel, as I later found out for myself.