A letter from my Sister
When I saw the title of the blog 'A big inconvenience', I can honestly say I thought it should be titled 'The day our lives changed forever.'
My memory of everything is a bit of a blur in the early days. I remember numerous tests and I recall waiting and waiting for results. It felt like an eternity each time. If I'm honest, I know that I always told myself 'Its never going to be that bad. Natalie isn't that ill - she looks far too well for it to be serious.' How wrong could I be?
As each test came back, I waited for mum to call and with each call the news got worse and worse. When we finally got to know the grade and severity of Natalies 'big inconvenience' I still wouldn't let myself accept that this was tserious, although I knew our lives had changed forever.
Our Nan had died of the big 'C'. Even though she was in her 70's, she was not old enough to leave us because like my sister, she lived every day of her life to the fullest.
To this day, I still don't have the right words to say to Natalie. I knew the only words that she wanted to hear were 'you are better - its gone.' I couldn't make this wish come true.
I knew from Mum that Natalie didn't want tears or negativity. I found this really hard given that I can cry at almost anything. Of course there were tears and mostly at night. I think having the boys during the day kept me busy but nights were a different story and Nick consoled me many an evening.
Natalie had said she did not want the boys to know how ill she was. Now Isaac is a bit older, he tells me he knew that something was serious. I remember driving away from Natalies one day and Isaac remarking on how quickly her hair had got very long. It had gone from a bob to Cheryl Cole locks over night.
As children, our house had been burgled in the middle of the night which lead to Natalie and I sharing a room so that we could be together. All of my childhood memories involve Natalie. OK, so yes, she was ALWAYS the teacher in the game and yes I HAD to rehearse all of her songs with her for her shows but she taught me a wicked step ball change and a dance routine to 'I come from a land down under' and not forgetting we composed our own song about Nelson Mandela. (Obviously I was the backing singer).
She twiddled my hair until it was knotted. She made me talk to little ornaments. But opposites or not, I have one and only one big sister and she is unique in so many ways which I love her for.
I haven't mentioned my thoughts on Indyana. I don't think any words are enough to say how much I love this 'loopy loopy' beautiful little girl. She was Natalies driving force to get better. She just had to get better, they needed each other.
I know I would have moved heaven and earth to be able to tell her she would always have her Mummy to love her but of course I couldn't. And of course, I thought of what this meant. I would have followed Paul to Liverpool or Ireland, where his family are, if the worse had happened. Without Natalie in her life, I would would have done whatever it took to have the bond with Indy. I wouldn't come close to being half as loopy as her mum but she would always be my priority. It was fleeting thoughts though, as the prospect of not having my sister isn't one I allowed myself to think about. Not an option.
Knowing how much pain Natalie was in physically and emotionally , and that it was single handedly in the hands of the doctors and medical science, made us feel helpless and pretty useless.
I do know now that she is going to make it and beat the odds and that she has done it in her usual style as only she could.
I have always been proud to call her my sister and reading her blog and knowing that she has done this to give others an honest account and hope and optimism, makes me even prouder.
I love you Natalia Snappy Snippy Snop, always have, always will.
PS I only meant to keep it brief. Good job Ive written it and not caught you on the phone!!
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